Super sore

So I've taken a couple days off of exercise. I have two halfway decent excuses:

1. I've had things to do during the day and wasn't home during my designated "work out time".

2. I was SO COMPLETELY SORE!!!!

I started out doing the elliptical and some arm weights, but then I pulled out (and dusted off) all my biggest loser DVD's and put in Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Holy Hannah!!! She is kicking my tail!!! Wowzer!! But she says; "If you expect results with only 20 minutes a day I can provide that, but you have to WORK FOR IT!" Oy....she's not kidding!!!

So, ya. I'm back on the exercise tomorrow, no matter how much it hurts! :D

I AM proud.

I can say that I'm proud of myself. I think truly it's the first week of ANY change that is the hardest to complete. Making it through the horrible "habit addictions" is ROUGH! Going into day four i have successfully stayed within my calories, exercised EVERY day for at least 20 minutes and all in all felt really good about my progress.

Every day is a struggle for me now. I do remember a time when eating right and exercise was easy...yes EASY! I was in a good groove, had all those bad habits under control and was going so strong. But ya know, life happens. But since I can still vividly remember how that felt, I know what I'm shooting for from personal experience which is making it easier for me to push myself thru these first few HELLA HARD days and persevere.

I'm doing it. I am proud of myself. The change has begun.

I did it!

I made it through day one!!!! YAY!!!!!

Found this super cool free app on my super cool new Droid called "My Fitness". It took all my personal information and made a daily caloric intake for me. I can enter and track my food, exercise and water for the day. It's so easy! I actually downloaded it like 3 weeks ago (oh ya when I first got the phone) but hadn't used it til today. Love it!

Anyway, stayed within my calories, did yoga and the elliptical, drinking my water.....goooood girl!

Five words to change it all....

"Mama, your neck is fat".

Ouch.

This out of my beautiful, precious 5 year old baby girl as she was tickling me. Her face turned beat red as I couldn't control my exaggerated pouty face and she immediately started back tracking and kissing me apologetically. Ugh. So wrong on so many levels.

I can't tell you that this is the end of my struggle. I won't say that I have finally reached my boiling point. I absolutely won't/can't say that I will never slip again or that I will work out everyday or lose such and such pounds by such and such date. Been there, done that...still fat.

However. I can say with utmost certainty and truth, that hearing my innocent girl lay it out there in complete truth, did open my eyes. I have only 20lbs left of my original weightloss.

That means in the last year and a half I've gained back 43lbs....that's a lot. It's bad for my energy, my pain, my HEART. This has become a life battle now...no more denying it. I am a morbidly obese woman who has been overweight well over half her life and I've lost and gained the same 20-60lbs at least 3 times now....2 more times and it increases my chance of heart attack by 35%. I have a husband and three beautiful children that need me. I have to stop this cycle.

I got on my elliptical tonight and went 11 minutes. Then I did 30 reps of several different arm exercises. Is it ideal? No. Is it what I need to do to burn the calories of the pizza and beer I had for dinner? No. Is it an honest beginning with the best intentions of moving forward from today and trying to build a brand new Becky. THAT'S what it is.

So, pray for me my friends. Pray for strength, pray for endurance, pray for self control, most of all pray for healthy changes for me AND my family.

I will try to post on here more often....if you don't hear from me...pray I hop back on the wagon cuz chances are I'm too embarrassed to come here and admit defeat.

One step at a time. One pound at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (cliche but oh so fitting.....)

Still going strong.

I think that's the first time I've been able to say that since I started this blog. That felt good!

I'm on day 5, I'm down 6 pounds (most of which I'm sure was water retention) and my motivation is still on track. I have been tempted a few times by kids dinners but I have not faltered! So proud of myself right now! I realized (after being asked by a friend) that it's better for me right now NOT to set a long term goal. If I think about the big picture too much I get overwhelmed and just collapse mentally.

I tell myself each morning when I get up, I'm going to eat healthy today. I'm going to drink all my water. I'm going to move more than I rest. So far so good. At each opportunity to eat I make a conscious (VERY conscious) decision to make healthy choices. To keep my portions small, my caloric intake and fat intake low and the fiber intake high. There's so much yummy fresh fruit right now I haven't had to satisfy my sweet tooth with anything but healthy stuff so that hasn't been an issue. I'm praying that I can force myself through this part that is always the hardest until it becomes habit.

Eating after 7pm...that's the hardest for me. My trick is to chew gum and drink tons of water when I start itchin for a snack. So far...so good.

Thanks for the well wishes and prayers! Keep them up cuz they be helpin! Do I dare wish for another 6 pounds next week??? Naaahhh...I'm not stupid! LOL

I miss my collar bones....

When you're heavy for a time and your body starts getting fluffy certain things (besides the obvious) start to happen. One that bothers me the most is that I "lose" my bones. My hip bones, my shoulder bones, my knuckles and my beloved collar bones. I do not know why I love them so, but I do. When I lost all my weight a couple years ago I was brushing my teeth one morning and saw a smudge of dirt on my neck. I was like...what the heck is that?? So I went to rub it and realized it was A SHADOW!!! Yes, a shadow cast by my bone. What a wonderful feeling that was!

Fast forward two years to this morning, same scene of brushing my teeth. I was watching myself brush as I do every morning and glanced down at my neck and noticed that shadow was BLARINGLY....missing. *sigh*

It's the little things.

I hate how my motivation has been so sketchy this year. It's been a real bummer. I stopped caring. It's a good think I never had an addiction to drugs like I do my food because I undoubtedly would be dead right now. I've got a good desire going right now that has gotten me through three days! Yes, I'm three days in and have been good! Although, I must say I was tempted by a half eaten hot dog last night (Grace's...why oh why can't I stop eating when I'm full like she can???). It was sitting there looking all nummy and I took a huge bite! I did!!! Then I realized that 1. it was cold, 2. it was stale, 3. there was no mustard. I was like...why in the WORLD did I just do that? I TOTALLY SPIT IT OUT!!! I was so proud of myself!! I was like, nope...I refuse to self sabotage myself with something when I've been doing SO well! AND IT DIDN'T EVEN TASTE GOOD SO WHY WASTE THE CALORIES!!!! Oh ya...duh! *deeper sigh*

6 weeks. 6 whole weeks until Hawaii. I can be good for 6 stinkin weeks!!!! That is my goal. Day to day I will repeat to myself....I can do ANYTHING for 6 stinkin weeks.

6 months? Really?

Ya. Almost SIX months since my last weightloss blog. That's just sad. What's even sadder is the reason I haven't blogged....no motivation, no drive, no desire, no weight loss. Shocker. What's the deal with this same old boring story anyway? I'm sick of telling it. I'm sure y'all are sick of hearing it.

So, Hawaii is a little over a month away. I have some capris I would REALLY like to get into for the trip (not the original ones btw, but whatever). Yesterdays festivities were wonderful and I did a good job eating whatever I wanted. Well, technically I've done that for well over a year now, but we aren't keeping score are we? mmmkay, thanks. :) I told myself that I'd chill until the 4th was over. It's over now and I've done pretty well with the "day after" motivation. It's now 8:30pm and the late night munchies will be upon me soon. I'm praying...praying hard...that I can make it through. Try is just an excuse to fail. So I won't try. I will do.

Again.

Someday this will all be behind me and I can laugh at myself at how stupid I was.

I wonder if I can have my taste buds surgically removed.....

Self Sabotage Revisted

Seriously? Again? What is WRONG with me? Pure laziness. That's my only reason/excuse for what I do to myself. And the thought of "Can't have it" with the larger come back of "Try and stop me". Old fashioned rebellion maybe? *SIGH*

So, ya, that's where I am today. Two days ago I was all pumped up and ready to take on a month of "perfection". Perhaps that's my undoing. I promise myself I'm going to do something and then bam...do the complete opposite. LOL nothing like self sabotage. Left over pizza, dinner out with the hubby, that was all it took to put me back into the downward spiral. Even after I journaled and set up a new system for myself!!! And not one of those long drawn out complicated ones either! Went and checked out the local gym...which btw I decided against for a multitude of reasons: I've done it alone before and I can do it again, it's way too expensive, it's dated and a little dirty, I don't really think I'd use it enough for it to pay for itself AND the final reason...at $50 a month, in less than a year I could use that money to buy my own weight machine and have it forever. I already have the elliptical...it's not like they can offer me that much more than what I can do at home. (see mom, I can make good financial decisions on my own!!! LOL)

Pray for me, my friends. That I can make this my last promise to myself. That I can find the will power to out last my laziness, my temptations, my self sabotage.

Can the year of Becky finally begin? We shall see. We shall see.

Did it anyway....

So, ya. Said I wasn't gonna weigh in til next week but I am weak and did it anyway. LOL!! Even with swelling and whatnot I'm still down 2 more pounds!! WOOT WOOT! This means I am only 4 pounds away from my monthly goal and I THINK I should be able to go over and beyond it by the end of January. Good way to get a head start on February right? Yay!!

Headed to the vet this morning with Sam who has some weird bloody bump on his leg. Doesn't seem to hurt him but it sure is weird. Don't wanna end up with a three legged dog so we gotta nip it in the bud! After that I'm a free woman! Gonna do my elliptical AND yoga today then my 120 crunches and 330 leg lifts!! Oh ya baby!

Have a great day girls and go out there and burn some calories!!!!

So I did NOT weigh in....

Because Aunt Flo is visiting and I always gain when she's in town. She's such a bitch. So ya...I'll weigh in NEXT week!

I will say though that I've had a great week! I've been working out and it feels amazing. I find it so interesting how different my body is when I work out. Like it's WEIRD. I feel changes in my legs, butt and arms already and it's only been a few weeks. I mean seriously...being consistent with the exercise really does change your body so fast! The eating better is great, but to really make a marked difference in the LOOK of your body...add the work outs. Not to mention the lift in mood. Nothing like a mood enhancer like a little endorphin rush! (right sister?)

I wasn't perfect on my eating over the weekend because we were busy busy so I wasn't able to eat right off my list every meal. BUT even when I couldn't, I made good choices. Which in the end really is KEY. You have to learn how to eat outside your house too. You have to not make being out and about a reason to eat crap. Because as soon as you do those excuses follow you home and before you know it you're eating cold hot dogs and Cheetos with a side of snickers for dinner at 935 at night. AM I RIGHT????? So ya...I'm holding my own, I'm still determined, still motivated, still going strong!

OH and a bit of good news...I fit back into a pair of jeans I couldn't get on in December! (See the working out paragraph again!). They weren't comfy enough for me to actually WEAR....but I got them up and zipped!!! Baby steps! LOL!!!

Weigh in day!

So I have lost 4 pounds now. I'm a little surprised it's not coming off faster to be honest, I had hoped to be down about 10 by now. But little progress is better than none and I'm definitely getting into a good routine with working out. I've done the BL Boot Camp video twice now and it's really good! Bob makes me sweat! I'm gonna do yoga again today just to mix it up. Haven't decided what day will be 'rest day' so until I really need one I think I'll just keep going. Won't hurt right!

Had an amazing lunch yesterday thanks to my sister friend Becca. Sauteed some white mushrooms in a tsp of olive oil then added 1/2 cup of Redi Egg, put about an ounce of cheddar and jack cheese in the middle and had myself one amazing omelet! ssssoooooo yummy!!! You should try it!

No don't make me!!!

Today was "one of those days". Started out normally enough, got up, got coffee, took kids to bed, had some breaky with Grace, chilled in bed for a few; when the phone rang. Allie wasn't feeling well and wanted to come home. So first thing I did was make her a Dr. appointment since she's been feeling under the weather for a while now. Go pick her up, chill in bed for a while, take a shower, take her and Grace to the doctor office. She has a sinus infection. Go to Bi-Mart to get prescriptions filled. Go home. Feed girls lunch. Go back to school to pick up Luke.

Long story short, but the mid afternoon when I had planned to work out I simply did not feel like it! Especially since as the day progressed my poor quads got worse and worse! (stupid boot camp!)

So ya know what I did? I forced myself. I came downstairs, put the DVD in, worked out for a half hour and I FEEL GREAT!!! Not only did I not let myself down, but because of the work out I feel better physically!!!

Fake it til I make it! I will do this!

Happy Monday!!!

GOOD MORNING ALL!!!! And a very happy Monday to you this morning and thank your for showing up to read! Oh wait...it comes directly to your inbox so you have no choice! LOL well, thank you for not adding me to spam! :D

It's a good day! I feel energetic and I actually woke up in a pretty good mood!! SHOCK! As we all know, Becky is NOT a morning person and never will be so it's always a treat for my babies when I wake up and make them laugh! hehe!

So hopped on the scale this morning and having had dinner out with Mark for date night (and not holding back as I promised myself I would do for dates) I haven't gained any weight back! So hey...a new week and no make up to do! Gotta love that! Did "boot camp" at a friends gym on Friday and whoa nellie did it HURT!!! I haven't been that hot and sweaty in a year!! Felt awesome tho...until the next night! Woke up fine, but by the end of the day I could barely walk! Then yesterday was worse!! Ugh! So out of shape!! LOL I still feel it today but it's cool...gonna barrel through it and do the BL Boot Camp video this afternoon with the girls. Allie freaks out if I work out without her! Although...maybe I'll do it this morning AND this afternoon! GREAT idea! :D

I decided last night what my first goal will be clothes wise. I bought the cutest pair of camo carpenter pants a couple years ago that I absolutely LOVE. Can't fit into them. They are a size 36 mens and sssoooo comfy! So they will be my first goal. By the end of February I'll be back in those pants. Good to have monthly goals right? Oh, January, just to get into my routine of eating and exercise 5 days a week. I can't make clothes goals for the first month! I'm not stupid! LOL

Would love to be down 5 pounds by the end of this week. Gonna work my bootie off to do it!

Here's to a wonderful productive week to us all filled with good choices, energy spurts and lots of LOSS!!!

*clink*

I lost...

2.5 pounds so far! Not too shabby! Well on my way of meeting my per month goal of 10 pounds which makes me very happy. I completely expected to lose more than that for at least the first month and maybe into the third so I'm not too surprised. Still...it's nice to see the number dropping.

My cousin suggested to me last night to try the Slim in 6 series by Beachbody. I did another program of theirs last year called P90X which was truly satanic but effective! I had a love/hate relationship with the guy that did it! So I'm gonna look into this other program and see how much I can get it for. From what I've found so far she guarantees 6 inches off your body in the first 6 weeks. Wouldn't that be loverly? :D

My gf also has the Bodybugg which I'm considering picking up. It's a tool that the contestants use on The Biggest Loser and it looks pretty cool. You wear this thing on your arm and it records all your activity, heart rate, blood pressure all that stuff and you enter your calories on the computer each day. It will then tell you you deficit; or how many calories your actually burning over and above what you are taking in. (the key to losing weight) It's kinda spendy though so I'm not sure I can justify it. Gonna keep checking around and see if I can find it cheaper! :) I'm a google girl!

Anyhoo, hope you are doing as well as I am!!! Gonna try the boot camp video today I think! :D Maybe I can make it more than half way through!! LOL

Going strong!

So, it's Wednesday and I haven't lost my motivation! I know that sounds pathetic but usually by the second afternoon I'm done so this is good! LOL!

Did my Biggest Loser Yoga today. Ow. Yoga hurts! I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow. It was depressing though because I am SO out of shape! Like seriously! A year ago I coulda blown through that video and today I couldn't even finish it. I know it's the beginning and it won't be long before I get it together but STILL! ARG!!!

Has anyone adopted my menu? Surprisingly the meal I'm struggling with the most is lunch! I just haven't felt hungry at all mid day. I've been filling in with lots of vegi's and cottage cheese (protein) and hopefully my appetite will even itself out here soon. Still eating 6 times a day but not getting in the protein I need....I'm sure it won't matter much for the first 40 or so pounds but consistency is going to be KEY once I plateau. Luckily I'll be able to step up on the exercise at that point!

Gonna do Boot Camp tomorrow. Little scared but it can't be as hard as Yoga! Did I mention...Ow?

Great Start

So I weighed in yesterday after all the junk food swelling had calmed down. I couldn't believe it...after all the holiday eating I had not gained a pound!! How awesome is that? So I get to start again without having to lose the same 5 pounds I lost in November! Yay me!

So yesterday's exercise was taking down and packing away Christmas decorations then completely cleaning the living room and dining room. By the time I was done (2 hours of non stop action) I decided the sweat I'd produced was enough of a work out for day one!! :D My eating was perfecto, water was good and I feel very positive about my first day.

BTW I also decided to do a "colon cleanse". It's a 2 week thing that I bought at Wal Mart for under 12 bucks. It's called "14 day Acai Berry Cleanse". Started it on Sunday and feel fine so far. I just thought it was important to clean out the junk while I work off the trunk! LOL!!!

But a skinnier whale....

Recently, in a large city in France ,
a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer,
do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman,
whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster,
responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.


To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are wonderful singers
and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures
and virtually have no predators
other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired
by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life
because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?
Just look at them ... where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either.
Not to mention,
who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight
because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads
that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, 'Good grief, look how smart I am

Menus

Hey Girls. Thought I would share exactly what I'm going to start doing tomorrow so you can try it to if you so choose! This is what helped me lose 70 lbs the first time and will get me to my goal this time! It's my own fault I didn't get there before not this menu! :)

I'm a girl who can eat the same thing over and over again so I will be doing one menu for probably 3 or 4 day before moving onto the next. Therefore there are only four to follow. If you want more choices after getting started I will be happy to help you!

Menu 1

Breakfast: 1 1/3C of cherrios or special K

1C Milk

1/2C fruit

Snack: 3/4C apple slices (one medium apple)

2/3oz pistachios (10 shelled)

Lunch: Egg Salad Sammy

1 slice wheat bread

2 servings egg salad (4 eggs, 1 tbsp light mayo, 1/2 tsp mustard)

2C salad

1 tbsp light ranch

Snack: 1/2 C applesauce

celery, carrots and/or califlower (a cup or two...free calories)

Dinner: BLT

1 wheat tortilla

6 slices turkey bacon

2 tbsp light ranch

lettuce/tomato/salsa

Snack: 1C strawberries (or your choice of other fruit)

1C yogurt

Menu 2

Breakfast: 1C cooked oatmeal

1C yogurt

.5 oz raisins

Snack: 1/2 C fruit

15 almonds

Lunch: Tuna and Salad

1 can tuna

1 tbsp light mayo

1/2 tbsp relish

1 slice wheat bread

2C salad

1 tbsp light ranch

Snack: Vegis

1 String cheese

Dinner: 2 4oz talapia fillets

2C frozen vegis

1/2 C cous cous

Snack: 3/4 C cottage cheese

1/2 C fruit

Menu 3

Breakfast: Egg Sandwhich

1 piece wheat bread

4 slices canadian bacon or 2 slices turkey bacon

1 slice light american cheese

1/4 C egg beaters or redi egg

Snack: 1/2 C fruit

1C light yogurt

Lunch: Chicken Salad

4oz chicken breast

2C salad

2 tbsp light ranch

Snack: 1/2 C fruit

10 pistachios

Dinner: 4oz chicken breast

2C steamed vegis

1 tbsp teriyaki sauce

Snack: vegis

1/2 C fruit

Menu 4

Breakfast: 2 special K waffles

butter spray to taste

1C Milk

Snack: 15 almonds

1/2 C fruit

Lunch: 8oz shrimp

3C salad

2 tbsp light ranch

nonfat croutons

Snack: Vegis

3/4 C cottage cheese

Dinner: Turkey soft taco

1 wheat tortilla

5oz ground turkey meat with taco seasoning

lettuce/tomato

2 tbsp light sour cream

salsa to taste

Snack: 1/2 C fruit

1 String cheese.

If not stated, all foods that can be "light" or "non fat" should be! :)

Weigh in tomorrow!! My swelling from excess salt is down! LOL

Happy 2010

"I hate myself for gaining the weight back".

How many times have I said that to myself and to others over this last year?

I was thinking about my struggles with weight this morning. I truly want this to be the last year my New Years Resolution has anything to do with weight. I want to take it off. I want to feel better physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't want to use this as a crutch anymore. But the fact is...I DON'T hate myself for it. It was a hard year for me. I turned to food. Yes, the hospital didn't provide a healthy eating environment. Yes, I didn't make time for myself to work out because I didn't want to leave Mark. But I also put myself on the bottom of my priority list. I stopped eating right even when I DID have the tools in front of me. I stopped working out even when we were home and I had the opportunity. I used food to comfort me. It never fails. I turned to butter and chocolate. I watched the number on the scale go up and even though I said things like "why am I doing this to myself" and "oh come on just STOP already" the truth is I didn't want to stop. I know this. I own it. I did this to myself with a completely clear head and you know what? It's ok. I'm not going to beat myself up about it anymore because it's obviously what I needed this last year.

But 2009 is over.

I do have the Hawaii motivation there's no doubt about it. But more than that, I have the "put Becky back at the top of the priority list" attitude back. I HAVE to take care of myself. I need to give myself that time to myself every day. Read my Bible, talk with God, eat right because I feel better when I do, exercise because I feel better when I do. Not to lose the weight to look better in the bathing suit (which obviously is a huge motivator as well don't get me wrong....) but because when I do these things for ME I simply feel better ABOUT ME. That should be, and it is, reason enough.

I have no idea what I weigh right now. Frankly I'm a bit scared to get on that scale. I'm giving myself through this weekend before I hop on. I've eaten every single thing I could think of to eat over the last month or so and I feel very sure that I've satisfied every single craving that might come up for a while!!! I'm ready to go. I'm going to fast today and tomorrow (save for coffee that is because well, hey I need my coffee and it IS a diuretic! LOL) to purge my system of all this extra salt. My rings are super tight right now ugh! Then Monday morning I will take the kids to school, hop on the scale and begin my 8 month count down to Hawaii. I want to lose 10 pounds a month. I will follow my diets to the number, I will work out AT LEAST 45 minutes a day for AT LEAST 5 days a week. I bought the three biggest loser videos that I talked about in a previous blog, plus I have my elliptical. I have no excuses.

I packed on over 30 pounds this last year. Nothing fits. My ankles are starting to hurt again when I wake up and take the first steps out of bed. I do not feel sexy. I can no longer see my collar bones. I can no longer see my hip bones when I'm lying on my back. All these things that made me so proud when I lost the weight have disappeared. I will get them back. I will make MYSELF proud. I will do this for ME and nobody else. I will succeed. This will not beat me.

Here's to a healthy 2010. Here is to the year of Becky. It's all about me now.