Ouch.
This out of my beautiful, precious 5 year old baby girl as she was tickling me. Her face turned beat red as I couldn't control my exaggerated pouty face and she immediately started back tracking and kissing me apologetically. Ugh. So wrong on so many levels.
I can't tell you that this is the end of my struggle. I won't say that I have finally reached my boiling point. I absolutely won't/can't say that I will never slip again or that I will work out everyday or lose such and such pounds by such and such date. Been there, done that...still fat.
However. I can say with utmost certainty and truth, that hearing my innocent girl lay it out there in complete truth, did open my eyes. I have only 20lbs left of my original weightloss.
That means in the last year and a half I've gained back 43lbs....that's a lot. It's bad for my energy, my pain, my HEART. This has become a life battle now...no more denying it. I am a morbidly obese woman who has been overweight well over half her life and I've lost and gained the same 20-60lbs at least 3 times now....2 more times and it increases my chance of heart attack by 35%. I have a husband and three beautiful children that need me. I have to stop this cycle.
I got on my elliptical tonight and went 11 minutes. Then I did 30 reps of several different arm exercises. Is it ideal? No. Is it what I need to do to burn the calories of the pizza and beer I had for dinner? No. Is it an honest beginning with the best intentions of moving forward from today and trying to build a brand new Becky. THAT'S what it is.
So, pray for me my friends. Pray for strength, pray for endurance, pray for self control, most of all pray for healthy changes for me AND my family.
I will try to post on here more often....if you don't hear from me...pray I hop back on the wagon cuz chances are I'm too embarrassed to come here and admit defeat.
One step at a time. One pound at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (cliche but oh so fitting.....)
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