Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I miss my collar bones....

When you're heavy for a time and your body starts getting fluffy certain things (besides the obvious) start to happen. One that bothers me the most is that I "lose" my bones. My hip bones, my shoulder bones, my knuckles and my beloved collar bones. I do not know why I love them so, but I do. When I lost all my weight a couple years ago I was brushing my teeth one morning and saw a smudge of dirt on my neck. I was like...what the heck is that?? So I went to rub it and realized it was A SHADOW!!! Yes, a shadow cast by my bone. What a wonderful feeling that was!

Fast forward two years to this morning, same scene of brushing my teeth. I was watching myself brush as I do every morning and glanced down at my neck and noticed that shadow was BLARINGLY....missing. *sigh*

It's the little things.

I hate how my motivation has been so sketchy this year. It's been a real bummer. I stopped caring. It's a good think I never had an addiction to drugs like I do my food because I undoubtedly would be dead right now. I've got a good desire going right now that has gotten me through three days! Yes, I'm three days in and have been good! Although, I must say I was tempted by a half eaten hot dog last night (Grace's...why oh why can't I stop eating when I'm full like she can???). It was sitting there looking all nummy and I took a huge bite! I did!!! Then I realized that 1. it was cold, 2. it was stale, 3. there was no mustard. I was like...why in the WORLD did I just do that? I TOTALLY SPIT IT OUT!!! I was so proud of myself!! I was like, nope...I refuse to self sabotage myself with something when I've been doing SO well! AND IT DIDN'T EVEN TASTE GOOD SO WHY WASTE THE CALORIES!!!! Oh ya...duh! *deeper sigh*

6 weeks. 6 whole weeks until Hawaii. I can be good for 6 stinkin weeks!!!! That is my goal. Day to day I will repeat to myself....I can do ANYTHING for 6 stinkin weeks.
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1 comment:

  1. Rebecca July 8, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    Yes, you CAN do anything for 6 stinkin' weeks. I don't think it'll take that long though - all you need is a couple weeks consistency, until you start to see results. Results are the BEST motivation.

    I stopped caring too, some time ago. When that happened, things just got excessively worse, and fast. Not caring is what got me where I am right now. You do care. If you didn't care, you wouldn't miss your collar bones. I know how hard it is. I gave up - but you're better than that. Don't take it six weeks at a time - take it a day at a time until suddenly you're two weeks in and feeling fabulous for what you're accomplished.

    Love you sister.

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