Super sore

So I've taken a couple days off of exercise. I have two halfway decent excuses:

1. I've had things to do during the day and wasn't home during my designated "work out time".

2. I was SO COMPLETELY SORE!!!!

I started out doing the elliptical and some arm weights, but then I pulled out (and dusted off) all my biggest loser DVD's and put in Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Holy Hannah!!! She is kicking my tail!!! Wowzer!! But she says; "If you expect results with only 20 minutes a day I can provide that, but you have to WORK FOR IT!" Oy....she's not kidding!!!

So, ya. I'm back on the exercise tomorrow, no matter how much it hurts! :D

I AM proud.

I can say that I'm proud of myself. I think truly it's the first week of ANY change that is the hardest to complete. Making it through the horrible "habit addictions" is ROUGH! Going into day four i have successfully stayed within my calories, exercised EVERY day for at least 20 minutes and all in all felt really good about my progress.

Every day is a struggle for me now. I do remember a time when eating right and exercise was easy...yes EASY! I was in a good groove, had all those bad habits under control and was going so strong. But ya know, life happens. But since I can still vividly remember how that felt, I know what I'm shooting for from personal experience which is making it easier for me to push myself thru these first few HELLA HARD days and persevere.

I'm doing it. I am proud of myself. The change has begun.

I did it!

I made it through day one!!!! YAY!!!!!

Found this super cool free app on my super cool new Droid called "My Fitness". It took all my personal information and made a daily caloric intake for me. I can enter and track my food, exercise and water for the day. It's so easy! I actually downloaded it like 3 weeks ago (oh ya when I first got the phone) but hadn't used it til today. Love it!

Anyway, stayed within my calories, did yoga and the elliptical, drinking my water.....goooood girl!

Five words to change it all....

"Mama, your neck is fat".

Ouch.

This out of my beautiful, precious 5 year old baby girl as she was tickling me. Her face turned beat red as I couldn't control my exaggerated pouty face and she immediately started back tracking and kissing me apologetically. Ugh. So wrong on so many levels.

I can't tell you that this is the end of my struggle. I won't say that I have finally reached my boiling point. I absolutely won't/can't say that I will never slip again or that I will work out everyday or lose such and such pounds by such and such date. Been there, done that...still fat.

However. I can say with utmost certainty and truth, that hearing my innocent girl lay it out there in complete truth, did open my eyes. I have only 20lbs left of my original weightloss.

That means in the last year and a half I've gained back 43lbs....that's a lot. It's bad for my energy, my pain, my HEART. This has become a life battle now...no more denying it. I am a morbidly obese woman who has been overweight well over half her life and I've lost and gained the same 20-60lbs at least 3 times now....2 more times and it increases my chance of heart attack by 35%. I have a husband and three beautiful children that need me. I have to stop this cycle.

I got on my elliptical tonight and went 11 minutes. Then I did 30 reps of several different arm exercises. Is it ideal? No. Is it what I need to do to burn the calories of the pizza and beer I had for dinner? No. Is it an honest beginning with the best intentions of moving forward from today and trying to build a brand new Becky. THAT'S what it is.

So, pray for me my friends. Pray for strength, pray for endurance, pray for self control, most of all pray for healthy changes for me AND my family.

I will try to post on here more often....if you don't hear from me...pray I hop back on the wagon cuz chances are I'm too embarrassed to come here and admit defeat.

One step at a time. One pound at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (cliche but oh so fitting.....)